Identifying and Labelling Your Emotions and Triggers

*Has someone ever asked you how you were doing and you struggled to give them an answer? The first step in being able to manage our emotions effectively is to be able to identify and describe them.*

## How can you identify your feelings?

### Identify the Prompting Event

Prompting events can be internal or external and lead us to develop an emotional reaction. They can also be considered an emotional trigger. Internal prompts can be our own thoughts, behaviours and physical responses. External prompts are situations or environments, including the actions of others.

Prompting events can happen in the present, such as a conversation with someone, or be in a memory, recalling a time in the past that makes you embarrassed. These events often prompt an emotion automatically, therefore it’s important to be aware of the events that trigger certain emotions to be able to better cope.

### Reflect on your Interpretation of the Prompting Event

Typically, it is not the prompting event itself that leads us to feel a specific emotion, but the interpretation we assign to that event. Our interpretations are based on our thoughts, assumptions, values, and beliefs.

To illustrate, you may have been messaging a friend multiple times over the day but they have not replied to you. We may interpret this as they are upset and don’t like us, which leads us to develop sadness. It is possible that the reason they haven’t messaged back is because they were busy. Our interpretation of events are valid as emotions are valid, however they may not always be true.

### Recognise your Body’s Response to Emotions

An emotional response triggers changes in our body, which can sometimes be difficult to detect. In order to improve our ability to manage our emotions, being able to sense how our body is feeling is crucial.

Body changes can include changes in heart and breathing rate, blood pressure, muscle tension and relaxation. Emotions also influence facial changes, such as grinding your teeth, clenching your jaw, and tightening your forehead muscles. Noticing changes in our body, facial expression, and even posture, can tell us a lot about how we are feeling.

### Identify your Action Urges

Each emotion is followed by an action urge. This can be considered a behavioural prompt. For example, when we are afraid, we may experience the urge to run away. Or if we are angry, we may want to lash out.

The action we want to act out (running away, lashing out) is not part of the emotion we are experiencing. The urge to do the action is believed to be part of the emotion. With wanting to lash out at someone when we are angry, the lashing out is not part of the feeling but the prompt is.

## How can you label your feelings?

### Naming the Emotion

Being able to label our emotions can be tricky, especially if this isn’t something we are used to doing. This is something that can be improved over time with practice.

### Expressing and Communicating our Emotions

Emotions communicate to us how we feel about the world and our experiences, but we also share this with others based on our behaviour. In order to communicate how we are feeling, we must be able to express this. This can be done through our words, actions, and facial and body language. Sometimes we can communicate emotions effectively, allowing others to understand how we are feeling. Sometimes, the way we express our emotions can cause problems.

### We can feel more things at the same time

One of the main things that can make identifying our emotions challenging is experiencing secondary emotions. These are feelings that are in reaction to the initial emotion.

For example, we may first feel angry for our partner not replying to us quickly enough when we need an urgent response, but this may turn to guilt in thinking we are expecting too much from them. We can sometimes not even be aware of the primary emotion that prompted the secondary emotion, and feeling a mix of emotions can make it even harder to pinpoint how we are feeling.

> One helpful method of identifying the emotion we are experiencing and the prompting event is by using the following statement and filling in the blanks: “I am feeling … because …”.

It may be difficult at times. You may even find yourself identifying an emotion for the first time, which may result in additional feelings. However, it's important to do so because recognizing and labeling emotions is the initial step towards experiencing that emotion, and one day, you may want to model this behaviour to your child as well.